LIVING “ON EDGE”
- Agravante, Pauline Ezrah C.
- Dec 4, 2017
- 4 min read
That certain feeling of being in a boat that is full of holes. That is how Berlly Mendoza, a graduating college student, described her life is like with anxiety. She tries to cover the holes with her hands but too afraid to move further, thinking that she might damage it even more. She is afraid. She is afraid to drown in her own thoughts.
Anxiety is the term used for disorders in over-worrying that can lead excessive fear, nervousness and affects how a people behave. It is a mental illness that is usually overlooked by society and is often associated by a certain stigma. Some of the symptoms of abnormal anxiety are uneasiness, shortness of breath, not being able to stay calm and still and sometimes sleep problem that can cause health problems.
“Life is not an easy sail” Berlly once said.
Berlly has short hair and short stature. She has a contagious laugh and an eye smile that can lift the mood of her friends. That is how everyone see her, just like everyone else.
When she looks in the mirror, however, she sees differently from everyone else. She sees a girl doing her best to function. Her smile threatening to fall off, too heavy for her to keep. She cringes at the crack showing on her face; she wants to be happy. She remembers her dad asking her ‘why do you look so happy every time?’ as they eat their meal, and for that Berlly faked an answer.
Falling in total oblivion is kept at bay The room is quiet, but the noise inside of her head is deafening. Whenever she closes her eyes, her mind welcomes her “intrusive thoughts”. They produce images or words that scares her. Her mind swims against the tide of negativity.
Berlly does not want to believe those irrational thoughts - the thoughts that relentlessly leap inside her head. It plays scenarios and produces dialogue that might not even happen. There’s this embracing feeling that everything was on the verge of something terrible that she cannot put a name on.
The first time Berlly experienced panic attack, she had a dumb impression of lead weight in her stomach and her heart thumping so horribly. Her mind felt like a prison and no one was there to help her get back on her feet. The second time it happened, she was surrounded by a crowd. She could not hear them properly, but she could feel their intense stare and it scared her. That is when she knew that there is something wrong with her.
There are different causes of anxiety. It can be biological, which is genetic. It can also be psychological - one example for this is the negative experiences or trauma a person has, such as when they were younger they were bullied. Another cause is environmental, wherein a child can develop social anxiety when he or she is sheltered from the social life by their overprotective parents.
There are misconceptions when it comes to depression and anxiety. Depression and anxiety are often mistaken as one but that is not the case as they have different effects on a person, both mentally and physically. Depression makes a person feel sadness, listlessness and may welcome suicide thoughts. They have severe lack of energy, changes in appetite and they are lacking of emotion. Meanwhile, anxiety makes a person suffer from over thinking of what could happen, feeling the need to run away and drown themselves in worried thoughts.
Unfortunately, Anxiety may also develop into depression when a person loses control over themselves. It is important to distinguish the difference of both to know what kind of help a person really needs. It is easy to judge people with this kind of mental health but we must keep in mind that some of our love ones, or perhaps ourselves, may suffer from this in the future.
Do not mistake anxiety from shyness or moodiness. We must keep our eyes open and inform ourselves more to help people. It is scary to confront inner demons so we should keep our eyes and ears open for others that might need help. We have all the resources to educate ourselves and others to avoid mistakes in the future.
If you suffer from mental illness, it is important to know what exactly it is you want to do. Do not wait for others to understand you for who you are because that won’t help you or anyone else. Seeking help from your love ones is essential in order to keep those negative thoughts at bay. You should take into account that others opinion does not validate your existence and you have the right to improve yourself. It is vital to know that help start from yourself.
Anxiety when unabated, can affect you forever. When the emotions get the better of you, it can change your life forever. It is consequential that this be curtailed… People surrounding them should envelop them with love and affection. Trite as it may sound, love cures, even the deep recesses of our anxious self…
The world is complicated. Relationship with people is complicated. Feelings are complicated. It is in human nature to avoid complicated things and that is what keep us lock on our own cage. Anxiety is cage that steer us away from growing up and live a life. Even so, No matter how you make it, a cage is still a cage.
Comments